Écririons

Posts by J. Bjerre

The Life That Is – Chapter 2 – The Dark Age

 

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It’s the story that few know the entire of and what in my own special mindset is called the dark chapter, the story that was never written in the hopes of keeping it locked away in the cabinet  and slowly let the world forget about.

In the summer of my fifth grade I saw her standing down the hallway in the classroom room across from mine and that day I lost all my good sense and forgot what logic was good for, it was the day someone from above decided to give me a taste of love’s true powerful magic.

She offered me friendship and a good time, little did she know that I was cursed by the ground pounding effects of love and nothing could have prepared any of us for the hard times to come.

A stranger became a friend, a friend became a dream and the dream became a nightmare that ate away at so many of my nights, but I was merely on the bridge to hell and the pain was just a taste of what many others had to feel.

As time went by and I kept going down the hellish path, I soon found myself in a tunnel of complete darkness without any exits in sight and where no one could hear my screams.

I filled my family and friends days with hateful words spoken by the beast that had consumed me and I was deaf to the help which they tried to offer me, soon I stood all alone in this madness.

I had pushed everyone still willing to try and pull me out of it away and in the end, hope of salvation was beginning to fade before my eyes.

It made me feel like I was just a few falls away before I would hit the bottom of the hole where hell would be a vacation and death is freedom.

In the end I was dragged to the luck maker’s office and the doctor would lay a hand on my shoulder, give me a speech that to what was left of my mind sounded like false truths, when they give up on getting any light through to me. I was handed a glass and a lucky pill

Pumped full of joy pills, I fought every day with fake happiness and a faith sense of hope shining through the almost closed door leading back to a normal life.

At last I survived and came out of it, reborn with a new look on the world around me. Finally awoken from what had felt like an endless coma of suffering and meaningless crying.  Now everything from that time feels only like a fading memory from a different time and different place with different people.

And that concludes what is now known as the Dark Age

We Are All Running From Something

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I saw her once again today. At the same place, almost as if she had been waiting for me. It felt like she had been appearing more often than usual lately, almost as if to let know not to forget. Sometimes when I hadn’t seen her for a while, her younger sister with a striking resemblance would show up. Almost as if to prepare me to see her face yet again. I thought I made my peace with her back whenever, but how many times have I not been thinking that being wrong. Wrong I must have been, because when my eyes met her face once again. My body froze and my heart started beating like it was on fire. The uprising through of confronting her with standard human conversation crossed my mind. I quickly shake my head rid of the idea and turn the other way. Thinking this was a sign of moving on or some form of acceptance. However as I walked away I started to feel the cold sweet on my back, the slight disorder in my chest and finding breathing for air harder. The millions thoughts, relived memories and what ifs, started to run away with my mind. Suddenly it felt like the heat had risen, I tell myself it’s nothing. I looked back and found her still standing a little down the road behind me, even though I had made a twist and a turn. Just like always. Almost as if my past was still following me. I fled to the inside of a store to be hidden and to escape. That’s where I realized that I don’t turn my head to her because I had moved on. I turned my head because I was afraid, I turned my head so I could run away. In that moment, I learned something. I learned that we are all running from something, whether it’s the past, someone or something.

We all have something we’re trying to escape.

(Header image credit: Unsplash.com)

 

 

The Life That Is – Chapter 1 – Beginnings

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Born I was under god’s ordinary Monday stars completely unaware of the challenges and hash times the people above had already planned out for me, long before anyone knew there was going to be a me.

Newly brewed farther and mother holds their first-born tight and lightly forgets about the sweet and blood spilled to get there, a little breathing space before life once again stood by the door knocking with its other complains.

A child befriending the moonlight while crying for help without understanding the concept of the pain he felt, plagued by sickness  and other shadowy creatures of the mind, crawling around in the night.

The knot was to be tied and offered a little window into happiness and let them all put their problems on the shelf for a night of joyful laugher and friends gathered around to raise a glass in the name of love.

Memories of that time, now float around the room as I tell a tale that was never really told the way I am tonight going to be telling it, now trouble that keeps us awake at night is whole another monster, carefully hidden away under the bed.

A friend and companion to this traveling down the bulky old road people refer to as life was soon to given life to, a sister of blood and flesh as well as friend to my soul, we grow together and helped each other from drowning in our own pool of first world problems .

And as the years quickly went by our windows like a blur of ever-changing dreams and hopes, we learned what could be trusted in life and what was merely a demon in disguise trying to trick us into a pit of struggle.

Life has never been a friendly fellow but it showed my family mercy and spared us of many tears, and now that my heart has been kicked, punched and ripped out through it all, I finally understand the lessons life has been teaching me and I have befriended the unforgiving nature of it.

Life is kind to me and others I wish to protect but wise men once said one person can’t save the entire world I know now that some people can only help themselves and we can only offer our hands to support whenever they fall.

Sometime I can’t help wondering about the real reason we were all put here on this ball of dirt together so far I’m not a clue closer but the thought of a point of it all not existing scares the logical part of my human brain. That none of the choices we make or all the things we say, have no really meaning in the end.

Out through the twists and turns of my short life yet full of things to drive anyone crazy, I found that love was my worst enemy but also my best friend, my history with love is like the eternal battle between yin and yang, black and white, day and night.

My childhood years already had me hooked on love and the thought of being with someone forever and ever but the pain never really hit until the day that the childhood starts to fade and you just see the next stage in the far future yet I was still just a kid.’

(Header image credit: Unsplash.com)

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